Twenties Life

Conversation.  The most obvious form of communication.  It’s what we use to approach each other, how we learn from one another, how we teach, how we make friends, and how we find love.  It’s universally known (in one language or another), and it’s something we do every day.  Yet few of us have learned the art and science of conversation.  Today you’re going to learn a thing or two about how to strike up a conversation with anyone, from a best friend to a stranger.  Listen up!

First off, enjoy yourself.

There is nothing more fun and exciting than meeting someone new.  It’s like trying new food or getting into a new hobby, it’s fun right from the start.  Be free to smile, laugh, and just have a good time.  You aren’t at work and this isn’t a job, it’s something you WANT to do, so enjoy it.

Give Him/Her the look.

So you’ve found someone you want to talk to.  Generally, you’ll want them to have noticed you before you talk to them.  Their smile or short glance will give you the opening you’re looking for.  Make eye contact, hold their gaze for a moment, then gently look away.  Continue with the short glances long enough that they know it’s no accident that your eyes keep meeting.  Then move to the next step.

Approach  Him/Her.

This will take some courage.  Be the lion that is going to devour it’s prey.  Walk slowly and confidently towards the person, and prepare to engage.

Harness Your Confidence.

Confidence is the super tool of communication.  It radiates in everything you say and do.  You may be bursting with it, or you may be short on supply.  Whatever you have, use it to portray the confidence that the other person will admire in you.  Remember, a little confidence goes a long way.

Have a subject.

Some people are just in tune with great ways to open a conversation, but you may need a starter.  Here are a few great ones that you can pull from:  situational the weather, an event you’re attending, a person’s hair, jewelry, clothing, any not-too-personal compliment (as in don’t compliment a lady’s breasts!), current events, etc.  Even if you can’t come up with anything, you could always ask their opinion.  “I wasn’t sure how to dress for this occasion, what do you think about this shirt?” or “I never know what to say at something like this, but you look like someone I’d like to meet.”  A great opener can get you in the door.

Avoid certain subjects.

Avoid racy jokes, heavy social and political issues (abortion, cloning, racism, religion, etc), your ex’s, or anything negative.  Also avoid anything too complicated or specific.  If you are an engineer, don’t talk work with another person, especially the details that they couldn’t possibly understand.  Let your first conversation/encounter be light and pleasant.

Flattery is King.

There is nothing that will make a person like you more than flattery.  Don’t lay it on too thick, or they’ll see right through it.  But find real ways to make them feel good about themselves.  It works especially well if it’s something that you enjoy as well, like a favorite movie, or band, or a shared hobby.  Tell the person that you find them funny or interesting, then continue on.  Their flattery will be obvious and you’ll know that you’re engaging them well.

Practice open body language.

Pay attention to your hands, your posture, and your facial expressions.  Be pleasant, open, and inviting.  Don’t cross your arms, cover your mouth, lean away from the person.  Smile, lean slightly towards them, and use hand gestures to communicate openly.  It’s so subtle, but a simple thing like a smile and an open hand can be so inviting to the opposite sex.

Realize your window.

From the time a person sees another, it only takes a few moments for them to completely make up their mind about what they think about another person.  Harness this short period and help them like you.  Realize though that sometimes they just wont.  Don’t spend all your time trying to change their mind, move on to someone new.  With 6 billion people in this world, there’s always another great friend (or more) just around the corner.

Tiny Tips

1. Smile. It’s contagious.
2. Never wait to be approached.  If you want something, go get it.
3. Take a deep breath.  It will calm your nerves.
4. Joke, be fun, take things easy.
5. Don’t be what you think someone will like.  Be yourself and give them a chance to like you.
6. Use eye contact like a secret weapon that you want only him/her to see.
7. Be nice.  People don’t generally find unpleasant people likable.
8. Push and pull.  Flirt a little, tease a little.  It drives guys and girls nuts.
9. Use physical contact cautiously.  It will either seal the deal or make things very uncomfortable.
10. Seize every opportunity.  Sometimes you’ll fail, but sometimes you’ll succeed.
11. Meet someone new each day.  It’s a great opportunity to practice.

Though this isn’t everything you need, it’s a great start.  You’ll learn as you go, and with each conversation you’ll get better.  In no time this will become second nature, and people will think you were born with this ability.  Have a tip to share with the rest of us?  Leave a comment below.

Girls are sexy. Girls are hot. Girls are an amazing creature that get us all nervous and flustered. It seems crazy, but girls can do the littlest things, and those little things just drive us wild. It may seem mysterious, but here are some things that girls do that have us eating out of the palm of their hands.

Ladies, please don’t exploit these things to hook us. We are incapable of defending ourselves against the sexiness of the things listed below.

Painted Toe Nails: Painted finger nails are pretty, but painted toe nails are sexy. It’s like taking a rock and turning into a diamond. It takes our minds to places we aren’t used to it going. Definitely do it!

Your Brain: Guys have gotten a bad rep for only finding physical beauty attractive. That’s just not the case. We love nerds and cheerleaders alike. A girl with sophistication and intelligence can hold our attentions for way longer than the ditsy dancer. Stimulate our mind and you’ll have us forever.

Jeweled Hair Clips: This one might just be me, but when a girl wears one of these in her hair, I see a princess. It’s gorgeous, beautiful, and classy. Find an excuse and rock these things often!

Cheeky Underwear: I’m going to be brutally honest. As much as we love imagining you (wearing very little clothing), we love seeing it even more. But there is some sort of stigma that comes with a thong. Sure, we love it. But it seems a little unclassy. Cheeky underwear offer the perfect mixture of visual sexuality and imagination. We dig um!

Smelling Good: Guys love to smell girls. We get a wiff of those pheromones and we just want more. A spritz of sweet smelling perfume or body spray is all it takes to get us to notice you. If you catch us smelling your hair or neck, that pretty much means we’re in love.

T-shirt and Jeans: As much as we all love the Belle of the Ball, it’s just too much maintenance to deal with all the time. That’s why we also love the t-shirt and jeans girl. She’s low maintenance, and still so sexy. Extra bonus points for baseball tees and caps.

Laughing at our jokes, and making some of your own: Humor is the difference between a cute girl and an awesome girl. If you can make some jokes, or even just appreciate ours, you’ll make that jump. And trust me, we never let awesome girls go.

Your Nurturing Side: Most guys wont admit it, but when things are rough and times are tough, we want someone there who can make us feel better the way our moms did when we scrape our knee. Be that girl for us and we’ll love you forever.

Your Softness: Men spend their entire lives being taught to be strong, and tough, and hard. It’s a gift to have a woman who is soft, with smooth skin, a soft voice, and a soft heart. Be our pillow. We’ll kill all the bugs, take out the trash, and do all the other manly stuff.

Pony tails: Pony tails are a double edged sword. They are cute and sexy. They are youthful and sexual. They are simple, yet drive us wild. Next time you are considering putting that hair in a bun, think again. Pony tail = Sexy, bun = old lady.

So there you have it. It doesn’t take much to impress a guy. We’re simple creatures and we have simple interests. But I’m sure I haven’t covered all the things that drive us wild, so scroll down below and share with us what drives you wild.

This is part 3 in a 3 part series.  Check out part 1 and part 2 if you haven’t already.

Now that we’ve covered many of the things that could be potential pitfalls early on in the relationship, let’s talk about a few things that will build a relationship that will last a lifetime.  These are the icing on the cake, the roof on the house.  I hope you’ll give each of these points serious consideration when preparing for marriage.

Stay Fit For Your Partner:  If either of you starts to let yourself go, it could be detrimental to your relationship.  Avoid any crushed feelings or dips in your sex life and health by taking the time to stay fit.  Your partner will show his/her appreciation.

Start traditions:  Traditions are the things that make history in marriages.  For instance, “Naked Saturdays” (ok, I just made that up, but it sounds like lots of fun).  Create little traditions between you and your partner to spicen up the routine and/or keep things interesting.

Never, ever just say no:  There is nothing that closes the lines of communication or sharing like a flat, lonely “NO.”  Don’t EVER do it.  If there is any reason to say no to anyone, start of with an explanation.  No is one of those things that immediately isolates you from a person.  Do your best to stay away from it.

Believe in his/her capabilities:  People feel a sense of identity in what they think they are good at.  Take that away from them and you’re telling them that they aren’t who they like to think they are.  It can be crushing on their ego, which will be devastating on your marriage.  Always believe in him/her.

Affirm his Accomplishments:  Men don’t just like to be patted on the back, we require it.  Compliment us as often as is relevant.  Don’t just tell him he’s handsome.  Tell him he’s good at something he actually works at, like his job, or a hobby.  When it’s something he has control over, it means so much more.

Accept Him/Her:  People get hurt and angered when their partners try to change them.  Realize you can only change yourself and move forward.  Leave him/her alone.

Discuss outside friendships:  Some people are ok with cross-gender friendships, and others aren’t.  Talk about this.  Be prepared to make a sacrifice.  Keep an open mind.  Just try your best.

Keep your intimate details private:  There is nothing that makes a spouse feel disrespected or uncared for like sharing intimate details of your relationship with someone else.  Many times when people are having a rough time in their marriage, they seek an outside person of the same gender as their spouse to get a man’s perspective, or a woman’s perspective if you’re a guy.  DON’T EVER DO THIS.  It’s playing with fire!

Always assume the best:  He looks like he’s flirting.  She dresses in a way you think is inappropriate.  Sometimes your partner will do things that you don’t like/approve of.  Instead of assuming their motive is exactly what you think or what it looks like, assume the best.  Communicate with him/her about how it made you feel, instead of what you think it was.  This will allow him/her to explain themselves without feeling threatened.

I know we’ve covered a lot throughout this series, but marriage isn’t like choosing your next meal or even buying your next car.  Marriage is choosing your future.  It takes a lot of thought and consideration.  It takes learning about yourself, and learning about others.  It takes sacrifice.  It requires work, even when the rest of life is getting in the way.  Marriage can be one of the most amazing parts of life if it is allowed to mature properly, with both parties doing there part.  I’m getting married in 33 days, and with the points that I’ve outlined here, and some quiet time to really ponder them, I know I’ll be ready.

Wish me luck as I take the plunge…

This is part two in a multi-part series.  Missed part 1?  Check it out here.

Alright.  So we’ve covered some great points so far.  But marriage is a life long commitment (though statistics wouldn’t say so…) and we really have to ensure we haven’t missed anything.  Here are some more things to think about when preparing yourself for marriage in your twenties.

Don’t expect your spouse to know anything:  This is something that I’ve found women often do.  They expect that men will understand simple things like telling you you’re beautiful as often as you need.  The sad fact is that us men are pretty simple creatures, and because of that we are sometimes stupid to your needs.  But you know what we are really good at?  Doing the things we know how to do.  What does this mean?  It means if he knows what you need, he can be the best at giving it to you.  Understand that our egos are invested in our relationship, which means that not only will we work hard to please you, but we’ll work hard for our own reputation.  We pride ourselves on knowing that we are good at what matters to us.  Make it easy for us. Give us the instructions.  We’ll put things together.

Discuss In-Laws Boundaries: Too often one spouse or the other will have parents who get involved.  That’s not the problem though (parents are just trying to help).  The problem is that the other spouse feels like their toes are being stepped on.  Discuss with your partner how often, when, and how you want your parents to get involved in your marriage.  Remember that your loyalty is, and always should be, to your spouse.

Division of Labor:  There will always be a lot to do, and if it isn’t decided soon and often it will lead to problems.  Negotiate the chores and ALWAYS do your share.  Also, be compassionate when your partner forgets, or doesn’t pull their own weight.  Help them when you can.  The appreciation will be there.

Fight Fairly:  There’s nothing more scary than a partner who goes over the top in a fight.  Things are said or done, and egos and feelings are beaten.  If your spouse really is your life partner, you should NEVER attack them.  No matter what they do, you chose them, and you should stand by your choice.  A fight can include addressing needs not met, feelings, and opinions.  But when it becomes hurtful or offensive, realize that you crossed the line, and that you are now in the wrong.  Don’t cross that line.

Respect Your Partner:  It’s easy to remember what you’ve sacrificed for your partner.  It’s easy to remember all of the things you do to ensure a successful marriage.  But it’s difficult to assume that your partner has done things and made sacrifices that you aren’t aware of.  Always be respectful to your partner, no matter what the situation.  Assume that they are working harder than you, and respect the hard work, regardless of your observation.  Always do as much as you can, and then some more.

Learn New Things Together:  There is nothing that builds a bond like learning and doing new things together.  It’s an awesome experience and it leads two people to feel closer to each other.  Take some time each week to spend learning with your partner.  It will allow you to spend time together and is a great friendship building technique.  Plus, you’ll learn from each other, and that’s a wonderful experience as well.

Spend Time Alone:  Marriage doesn’t mean that you join at the hip and can only do things together and with other couples.  Chances are you both had friends before marriage.  You should keep up those friendships and have a social life that isn’t dependent on your partner.  A sudden loss of individuality can lead to unnecessary strain on your marriage.

Don’t Compare Your Marriage To Others:  Many times people will get to talking and all of a sudden you’ll feel like there is a problem in your marriage because of something someone else’s spouse says or does.  Resist the urge to compare your marriage to someone else’s.  Your marriage is unique, and what it requires is very different then what anyone else requires.  Treat it as such.

Live in Reality:  After the honeymoon you’ll start to realize that life isn’t paradise, and that your partner is a human.  Let me fill you in on a few realities:

1. Women DO poop, and contrary to popular belief, it does stink.
2. Men DO fart, and not just a little.
3. Women DO take a long time to get ready, and men DO get annoyed having to wait.
4. People snore, steal covers, and kick in their sleep.
5. Men get sweaty.
6. Women have periods.
7. Married life is work, not just play.
8. Your in-laws are your family now, like it or not.
9. People repeat themselves often.  Instead of reminding them that you’ve heard the story, listen to it again.  And again.  And again.  Life is too short, even if those stories aren’t.
10. You can go to bed angry, and there will be times when you do.  Don’t make him or her sleep on the couch, he/she doesn’t deserve that.
11. Let your partner do things his way when he does them, and you do them your way when it’s your turn.
12. Don’t ask your fella if anything makes you look fat.  He loves you, and he’ll always try his best to make you feel good.  Take a look in the mirror and just decide.
13. Boys like to do things that some girls might find crazy, like making any car they own either faster or taller, riding a motorcycle, sky diving, owning so many tools you think he’s crazy, always wanting a new gadget, working out all the time, hanging with the guys as often as you’ll allow it, playing video games for days at a time, etc.
14. Girls like to do things that boys might find crazy, like buying very large amounts of makeup, getting her nails done, spending hours to get ready, trying on multiple outfits before choosing the right one, thinking it’s important for guys to do things a certain way, they cry a lot, and sometimes at the strangest moments,etc.

You may have already known about that last one, but it’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy of marriage and forget that you’re both still human.  You have to learn to live together through all of the good and bad.  There will be things you don’t like about your spouse, and you need to suck it up and just live with it.

There’s plenty more to come in part 3 of the series.  Stay tuned!

For over 100 years the average age of marriage has been in the twenties.  It makes sense.  Most join the workforce in their twenties, get a footing into adulthood, meet someone who they connect with, and naturally, many decide to tie the knot.

But few put much thought into what they need to do to prepare for marriage, aside from simple logistics and such.  It’s no wonder so many marriages end in divorce.  Ask yourself this question: when taking a road trip, do you jump in your car and just start driving?  I know I don’t.  I plan the route, pack everything I need, and even bring a few “just in case” items.  I like to know what’s ahead of me when I’m about to approach something new.  So why do so many people enter into marriage without a good plan?  I can’t answer that, but I can ensure that you know what you need to do to prepare for marriage.  Hopefully with some work and a little fairy dust you can get a better idea of what it will take from you to ensure a good marriage.

This is part one in a multi-part series.  As the series progresses, links will be shared at the bottom of each post to ensure that you don’t miss any of it.

Disclosure: I’m no marriage therapist or counselor.  I’m just a writer who likes to learn about the things that are important to me, and when I do, naturally I like to share them with people who could benefit from them.

Communication: It’s the most important part of a marriage, and yet so few people REALLY do it.  There’s a difference between talking about what you want for dinner and what you expect from each other.  When they say communication is key they mean genuine, deep communication.  Ever notice how so many people talk to their friends about the problems in their relationships?  Most of them never even communicate those problems to their parter, the person who has the power to make the changes…  It’s sad really.

Listen:  Too often people hear communication and think it means you have to talk.  And too often people neglect the more important part of communication.  That’s why I’ve separated it here.  The most important part of communicating is the listening part.  It’s sometimes scary to express needs to your partner, so when it does finally happen be sure that you are listening and understanding exactly what they are saying.  If you are a good talker you’ll have a good marriage.  If you are a great listener you’ll have a fantastic marriage.

Adjust:  Marriage isn’t like dating…  when you date it’s important to assess the person for compatibility and letting them know you for you.  By the time marriage comes, you should be past that point.  You should be ready to adjust some of your habits, beliefs, and practices for a smooth, healthy relationship.  That’s right folks, marriage means sacrifice.  Sometimes you’ll have to give up a little, and every once in a while you’ll have to give up a lot to make things work.  Marriage isn’t just about the other person giving you everything you need in life, it’s a bridge of partnership that if made too rigid will crumble.  Keep things flexible.

Define Self:  Many people enter into marriage with love blinders on, and a few years (or even months) down the line they don’t even recognize themselves anymore.  If you don’t know who you are, what you stand for, and where you want to be, you will lose yourself quickly in marriage.  Making sacrifices in marriage doesn’t mean giving up self.  If you don’t know exactly who you are, you have no business getting married.  Find yourself first.  Then find love.

Have goals: It’s important to be working towards something, both as a couple and individually.  Inspire each other.  Have a plan for your life together.  Have a plan for your own success.  Work hard and become great both together and personally.

80/20 not 50/50:  Recognize this:  If both partners consider marriage a 50/50 commitment, then if either slip up or get lazy, then the marriage isn’t getting 100% of what it needs.  But when each partner considers marriage an 80/20 commitment (meaning each puts 80% into it, and expect only 20% from each other), then you’ll always put more than enough work into your relationship, and when you get more than your expected 20% back you’ll always be happy.

Sex:  It’s one of the most cited reasons for divorce, aside from money.  You know what you expect from your partner sexually, but chances are your partner doesn’t.  Have the talk, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.  Realize that this talk will never be more uncomfortable than when you find out a couple of months in that you are a pretty vanilla sexual person and your partner is a freak-in-the-sheets.  Here are some of the things you should communicate sexually:

1. How many times per week (average of course):
2. What are you into:  make a detailed list of things you are into, could be into, and aren’t interested in.  Share with your partner
3. What you wouldn’t do:  Make that list too, and make sure your partner understands.
4. What you find ideal:  The easiest way so satisfy someone is to know what they want, right?  Help your partner be the best for you.

Discuss Finances:  Have a plan.  Know who’s paying for what.  Forget about gender roles.  You are a team, and if you have a plan that both of you can commit to, you’ll do better than anyone who plays by any sort of “role”.

Forgiveness:  Another thing that ruins relationships is people who say they forgive but don’t.  If you’ve forgiven your partner for something, it’s a terrible thing to do to bring it up in a later fight.  It’s like a punch in the kidneys, and they will feel attacked.  Try your hardest to always forgive, and once you do, let it go.  If it comes up later, you didn’t REALLY let it go, now did you?

More to come in part 2…

So you aren’t getting the girl, huh?  Or maybe you just need a few tips to help ensure you aren’t shooting yourself in the foot when it comes to the ladies?  Either way, there are a few key things that if messed up can completely ruin your chances at picking up chicks.  And chances are you are doing at least one or two of these.  Knowing what they are can help ensure you don’t continue to ruin it before you even had a chance.  Read on.

1. You confuse  conceitedness  with confidence. Girls have a keen sense of smell, especially when it comes to you bullshitting them.  If you don’t naturally burst with confidence, that’s fine.  But don’t overcompensate into the area of arrogance.  No girl above the age of 16 mistakes the two.
2. You consider chivalry dead, and have no intention of resurrecting it. I’m not saying you have to buy flowers every time you take a girl out, but you always open the door for her and wait for her to sit first.  Some of these things are so simple, and yet girls find them so thoughtful.  Are you so awesome that you need not be thoughtful?  If you think so, check number 1 again.
3. You talk much and listen little. Here are the facts: everyone likes to talk about themselves.  We like ourselves so much that when other people show interest in us, we find them attractive.  Want to bank on this?  Listen more and talk less.  You’ll be surprised to find that she can talk about herself all night, and at the end of the night she thinks you are interesting!
4. You don’t have your own life.  Girls are attracted to guys who are busy, who do things, who have hobbies, and who generally have their own things going on.  She wants you to meet her friends, but she definitely doesn’t want you hanging out with her every time she hangs out with her friends.  Get a hobby, let her know you have your own things going on.
5. Her friends aren’t into you. If you can win the friends, you can win the girl.  They are the ones who have the influence, not you.  Charm her friends, be sweet to them, open doors for them.  They are your best marketing tool for selling yourself to her.
6. You are too serious.  This one actually means a few things: one, you don’t make her laugh (“A woman appreciates a man who can make her laugh” -Genie from Aladdin); and two, you can’t be teased.  A woman is attracted to a man with humor, and a man who can take a joke.  If you can’t do either, that’s two checks on her list that you are missing.
7. You try too hard. Some guys make the mistake of thinking that if they are the perfect boyfriend, they will get the girl.  I made this mistake for years.  The truth is girls want a normal guy.  You know, one who makes mistakes, doesn’t always think of her, and may even be a jerk at times. A guy who tried to hard is none of those, and it shows.  Every action is so deliberate.  It’s kind of gross, and definitely not attractive.  Just be real.
8. You are too passive.  Some women will make the first move.  Most of those women aren’t the take home to mom kind.  Women like a man who can take the action role because it shows that they have prowess.  They find what they want and they take it.  It’s a carnal instinct that drives women crazy.
9. You aren’t impressed by her. You may be amazing, and she may initially find that she’s super into you.  But a little further down the line, she might get the sense that you aren’t impressed by her, or that she doesn’t inspire you.  There is nothing that will ruin a relationship faster than a woman feeling like she isn’t good enough (except maybe infidelity, but that’s for another day).
10. You STARE at other women.  I look at other women all the time, my girl knows it, and every guy in the world knows it too.  It’s what we do.  But some of you guys take it to a whole new level.  There is nothing wrong with looking at women, but when it becomes a gross, provocative stare, as if you could see the girl naked, you are being disrespectful to the girl you are staring at, and more importantly to the girl you are with.  Don’t want to give up looking at other girls?  Become a ninja.  Look fast, and look once.  Anymore than that and you are bound to get yourself in trouble.

I’m sure there are plenty of other reasons why you aren’t getting the girl.  But let’s be honest, I’m not perfect, so there is no way I could make you perfect.  If you focus on fixing these problems, you’ll definitely have a better shot.  After all, I’m sure you are a great guy.  You just need to give the girl a chance to see that as well, without scaring her off with one of these strategies covered above.

So what do you do to improve your chances of winning over a member of the opposite (or same, if you’re into that) gender?

It turns out that dating is a science.  If you don’t have all of the important ingredients, you just aren’t going to get the reaction you are looking for.  So you want to get the guy, huh?  Of course you do.  And chances are they want you too.  The only problem is you are doing things that ruin it before it even had a chance.  I’m going to help you identify some of those things, and you can take steps to improve them, so he can get the best chance to see you for you.

Here are 10 of the biggest reasons you probably aren’t getting the guy.

1. You don’t show interest – I’ll be honest. We (guys) are pretty dumb when it comes to a girl being interested.  We can tell if a girl is interested in a friend of ours, but we never realize you are interested in us.  If you aren’t direct, if you aren’t stealing glances and batting those eyelashes, we’ll never even notice.
2. You show too much interest – I know, I know, it’s crazy.  First you aren’t showing enough, then you show too much.  But balance is the key.  We aren’t interested in girls who are too easy to get.  It makes us think we can do better.  And, sadly, many of us do think like that.  Walk that line of interest and then take it back.  Keep him on edge.
3. You act brainless – If TV in the 90s taught us anything it’s that hot chicks are dumb.  And apparently you caught that as well.  Because I see some girls acting like they are missing a few brain cells, when I know full well that they are smart, sexy girls.  Don’t dumb it down for him.  Hook him with your brain and your body.
4. You are high maintenance – unless you are going for a metrosexual, most guys find girls that take hours to get ready unattractive.  If it takes that long for you to look good, we start to wonder just how bad you must look without all that prep time.  If it looks like it took longer to get ready than the date will actually last, we’ll probably just move on.
5. You are invisible – Have you ever been out with friends and you didn’t even realize someone was there?  That’s the invisible feeling some of you are giving off.  Join in the conversation.  Be fun.  Be active.  Socialize.  Make your presence known, and we’ll notice you.
6. You bad talk people – Some guys will chalk this up to girls being girls, but many of us can’t stand it.  If you talk crap about your own friends behind their backs, what are you going to say about our friends, or worse, about us?  Just don’t do it.
7. You party too hard – No guy wants to be dating the girl that gets messy drunk at the party.  Don’t be that girl.
8. His friends don’t like you – Guys have a real ego when it comes to their friends.  It actually takes quite a while for you to take priority over the guys.  If you don’t win over his friends, there is a good chance you won’t win him over either.
9. You don’t have a life – Guys like girls who have their own things going on.  It’s sexy.  Especially girls with non-professional skills like dancing, singing, musical instruments, sports, writing, etc.  We go crazy for girls with special talents, and it keeps us wondering what else she’s talented at.
10. You try to fix him – He’s gonna be him, and the last thing he wants is some girl trying to “fix” him.  If he didn’t like himself just the way he was, he would change.  And there is no reason for him to change for some broad he just met.  Let him be him, and if that’s not good enough, move on.

So there you have it.  These are some of the biggest reasons he’s not into you.  Many of these are easy to fix, you just have to practice.  Of course not all guys have the same interests, and some guys won’t mind some of the things above.  But as a general rule, if you can avoid these “mistakes” you’ll have better chances with the fellas.

What are some things you’ve done that really “botched” your chances with a fella?

Let’s face facts.  The dating scene can be pretty brutal on the wallet.  But if you don’t show the lady (or gentleman) a good time, you probably wont get another date.  Luckily, fun doesn’t have to be expensive.  There are plenty of great things you can do on a date that are relatively cheap or free.  If you are willing to think outside of the box and be a little unorthodox, you can show your date a good time that he or she will remember.  We’ve got some great ideas to get you started.

1. Poetry and Love Notes – Girls (and guys, though we’d never admit it) are suckers for romantic gestures in writing.  Spend some time putting your thoughts and feelings into creative language and your sure to stay on her mind.
2. Cook Dinner – I am surprised at how few people cook for their dates anymore.  It’s so much cooler than going to your local Olive Garden, and your ability to cook won’t go unnoticed, even if it’s a recipe out of your Better Homes Cook Book (my favorite cookbook in the world).  And if you can’t follow simple steps, like from a recipe, you might not be ready for dating at all…
3. Romantic Massage – nothing says romance like the ability to give a good massage.  You don’t have to be a pro to look like one. You just need a little knowledge and the right equipment.  Get started with this Lovers Massage book and some quality massage oil, like these.
4. Picnic – Anyone who’s ever been on a picnic before knows how fun and romantic it can be.  Simple things like pb&j sandwiches, fresh fruit, cheese, and wine or good ole fancy grape juice will make you seem like a picnic-master, and you can bet he or she will remember your date.
5. Chocolate – Because everyone loves chocolate, and the fact that you thought enough to pick some up before your romantic rendezvous shows how much you think about him or her.
6. Fondue Date – Fondue pots are cheap, but a fondue party is super fun.  Whether you’re preparing a whole dinner or just a chocolate dessert, you’ll definitely make an impression with a fondue date.  Here is the fondue pot that I use, and while it’s not the most expensive, it definitely gets the job done.
7. Take a Stroll – do people even do this anymore?  My fiance and I have the best time when we just go somewhere and walk and talk.  It’s probably my favorite thing to do with her.  You can learn so much about someone on a walk, and you’ll feel that instant connection you get when you share things with each other.
8. Hold Hands – all the time. Your friends might make fun of you, but they are just jealous!
9. Movie Night – no this isn’t a trip to the cinema, it’s a good ole fashion movie night at home.  Snuggle up on the couch, pop some pop corn, grab a blanket and throw in a romance, or even a romantic comedy.  This makes for a great date on a dime.
10. Photo Album Fun – another fun activity is to go through old photo albums together.  Laugh at yourself and each other’s kiddy pictures, and get to know each other a little better.
11. Take Out Night – for the kitchen impaired, a good take out dish served on real dishes is a simple replacement for getting in the kitchen and making a meal yourself.  And with the proper presentation, she won’t even have to know it came from outside (not that we advocate lying…).
12. Movie Makeout Session – I know, we aren’t in junior high anymore, but these things still work.  Spend some time with your lady or fella at a movie, but don’t watch the movie.  Indulge in a little kissy time instead.
13. Fresh Fruit, Cream, and Chocolate Syrup – Hopefully this needs no explanation…
14. Steal a Kiss – it’s much different than kissing her.  When she isn’t paying attention, take her into your arms and steal a quick one.  Then go about your business as if it never happened.  It will drive her wild.
15. Share Secrets – There is nothing that instantly bonds two people like a good secret.  Share one with him, or make one with him!  The excitement of being the only two people who know it forms an instant bond.
16. Picture Messages – When you are apart, and even when you aren’t, a good picture message let’s her know you are thinking of her.  This can get really exciting, depending on the subject of your picture.  Just remember that she may not be the only person who sees it…
17. Perfect “First ” Date – get a haircut, shave, wear cologne, iron your clothes, wash your car, clean the inside, pick up flowers and chocolate, walk to her door to pick her up, and have a special night planned for her.  Do all the preparation you should have done (or did do) on your first date together, and make it really special.

See? There are so many ways to be romantic without spending a fortune.  We’ve just gotten so lazy that “dinner and a movie” or “drinks at the bar” have become our routine.  Spice it up a bit, get creative, make him or her remember why he picked you in the first place.  Create that special date that she’ll brag about for years.

What’s your favorite budget date?  Leave a comment below and help us really wow her!

Honesty is always the best policy, we all know that right?  Well, maybe. Maybe not.

Let’s paint the picture here, shall we?  You’re in a relationship with a person.  You’ve been with them for 5 years, which I think we can all agree denotes a long-term relationship.  You aren’t living together, but you intend that this is the one, this is the relationship you plan on being in for the rest of your days.

Now here’s where things get interesting:

Do you consider it important or necessary to disclose everything that happens in your life to the other person?  For you, is it necessary to share everything with that person?

Let’s throw out a couple of examples… Don’t laugh, these are serious questions.

1. You watch porn, and he/she doesn’t know.
2. Another friend shares a secret with you, that he’s cheated on his wife (who is your partner’s friend).
3. A coworker makes passes at you constantly.
4. You plan on going to lunch with two friends (one of the same sex and one of the opposite), but one backs out, and you’re left alone with a friend of the opposite sex.
5. You have magazine subscriptions that he/she might not approve of (not porn, just your average men’s/women’s lifestyle magazine).
6. He/She has never asked how many partners (sexually or otherwise) you’ve had prior to him/her.  Do you just come out with it?
7. He/she is gaining a little weight, or has managed to not take care of themselves as well lately (sharing an opinion that may be hurtful).
8. Do you tell your partner what you really think about his/her parents?
9. Your family is very conservative and your partner sometimes gets a little tipsy.  Do you share with her your thought that she might ease up on the champagne tonight and risk hurting her feelings, or do you grit your teeth and tread through?
10. He/She asks “Am I prettier/more-handsome/bigger/stronger/sexier/better-in-bed than your ex’s?”
11. “Do you ever think about him/her?”

I ask these questions not to try to change your mind, and also not to reaffirm your position. I designed these questions with a simple goal, to provoke thought.

Sometimes we get so attached to our own beliefs, we think that we know exactly how to run the game.  We sometimes forget how little we’ve actually been exposed to.  We forget that there are people everywhere who do things differently than us and some of them are more successful with their methods than we are, or some are happier.

At the end of the day, I think we all want happiness, love, trust, and security in our relationships.  We want to share all that is good, and protect our partner from all that is bad.  But what about when honesty is the causer of pain?  What do we do then?

So I ask you this, sir/madam:  Is honesty ALWAYS the best policy?

Finally, I’m going to put the age-old question to rest: No those pants don’t make your butt look big, your butt makes your butt look big, and that’s just the way I like it!

We’ve all heard the term aphrodisiac; you know, the foods that “arouse sexual desire.”  Well here at TwentiesLife we’ve decided to dig up a little history, dispel a couple of myths, and present you with the top 10 sexiest foods of all time.  Some of the choices may seem a little strange, but when you read the reasons why we chose them, we’re sure you’ll agree.  Enjoy.

Asparagus

English herbalist Nicholus Culpepper wrote in the 17th century that asparagus “stirs up lust in man and woman.”  In 19th century France, grooms were served 3 courses of these spears at their prenuptual dinner.  And apparently there was good reason to do so.  As it turns out, asparagus is a great source of potassium, fiber, vitamin B6, vitamin A, vitamin C, thiamin and folic acid.  The last is said to boost histamine production necessary for reaching orgasm in both males and females.

Almonds

Almonds have been regarded as symbols of fertility throughout antiquity.  The aroma of the almond is said to arouse passion in women, as it was thought by poets and scribes.  Alexandre Dumas dined on almond soup each night before meeting his mistress.  Samson wooed Delilah with the romantic nuts.  Providing large amounts of vitamin E, magnesium, and fiber, almonds are great for improvement of general health.

Avocados

Voluptuous, curvy, and sexually shaped, avocados have been associated with both male and female sexuality.  The aztecs called its tree the “testicle tree.”  They thought the fruits hung in pairs on the tree resembling male testicles.  The spanish thought avocados so obscenely sexy that the Catholic priests forbade them to their parishioners.  The deliciously creamy fruit is especially good for pregnant women due to its high content of folic acid, as well as vitamin B6 and potassium, and they are great for improving immune function.

Banana

As if the shape of this fruit weren’t sexy enough, it is also a fantastic, complete meal.  It is loaded with potassium, magnesium and B vitamins, as well as chelating minerals and the bromelain enzyme, which is said to enhance the male libido.  Maybe this is why Central Americans drink the sap of a red banana as an aphrodisiac, and why the Hindus regard it as a symbol of fertility.  Did you know that a banana left on a doorstep indicated that a marriage is about to take place?

Chocolate

Women love it.  Men do too.  Wanna know why?  Because “the food of the gods” contains theobromine, a stimulating alkaloid similar to caffeine.  It helps the brain produce feel good serotonin as well.  Remember to indulge in the dark variety, which contains fantastic amounts of antioxidants, rather than it’s fatty, less nutritious sibling, milk chocolate, which is basically just that, milk and trace amounts of cocoa.

Eggs

The egg is probably the most ancient symbol of fertility known.  They are high in vitamins B5 and B6, which balance hormones and relieve stress.  Eggs eaten before sex are considered to enhance one’s libido.  Nothing like a omlet to get the foreplay started, right?

Oysters

The classic aphrodisiac.  Everyone’s heard about this one, and that’s because there is research to support it: raw oysters are very high in zinc, which raises sperm and testosterone production, thus increasing libido.  Like some fish, oysters are also high in omega-3 fatty acids, which is known to increase overall well being and even to fight depression.  They are also a great source to replenish dopamine.  No wonder Casanova ate 50 raw oysters a day.

Honey

The “Nectar of Aphrodite,” and the root of the word honeymoon, honey was an encouraged drink to newlyweds, to increase fertility and add sweetness the marriage in ancient times.  It’s sweet, sticky, and delicious, and tastes good on ANYTHING.

Garlic

The heat of garlic is said to stir up sexual desires.  When shared between two lovers, it’s sure to stir up some heat.  Garlic has been used for centuries to cure everything from the common cold to heat ailments.  This is a good time for moderation.  A garlic pasta sauce can lead to something even spicier in the bedroom later.

Steak

Not often considered to be a romantic food, and definitely not considered to be an aphrodisiac, many people still consider steak to be one of the most romantic meals.  In fact, it’s probably one of the top foods ordered by people on a date.  Steak is more than likely ordered because of it’s extravagant price, though many couples may choose steak to enjoy on special occasions.

So there you have it folks, TwentiesLife’s top 10 Sexiest Foods of All Time.  Think another food should have made the list?  Leave a comment below and we’ll add it to the honorable mention.